Missing: Small pregnant neuroscientist

Wouldn't you like to hear from this woman? She is my beautiful wife and she is, ostensibly, a contributor to this blog. However, to date she has yet to pen an article. It's not as if she doesn't have anything new to share. In the past year she has moved to another country, gestated a baby, and done approximately 1,000 crossword puzzles. Beyond that she's brilliant and witty. She has lots to share. So if you'd like to read what she thinks about Kathmandu, pregnancy, and Will Shortz, among other things, please write a comment...kind of like a written request for an encore.

Exploring Shivapuri National Park

My hand is recovering from an unfortunate introduction to Nepal's stinging nettle called shishnu, so this will be a picture heavy post. More than twenty-four hours later, my pinky and ring finger on my left hand feel like they are permanently asleep. The Nepalese apparently use it both in cooking and for flogging misbehaving children. I discovered shishnu (henceforth known as "devil weed") while bushwacking in Nagarjun in Shivapuri National Park, a forest on the middle hills ringing Kathmandu. I was seeking undeveloped climbing areas...and found nothing for my troubles. Well, not nothing exactly. I found a choss pile (climbing term meaning crumbly, low quality rock) that appeared to second as a mountain goat bathroom. As I bouldered and traversed around on dirty, hollow sounding flakes, I realized I had become one of the stupid Americans I derided in my previous posts. So I quit before I fell in the goat dung, or worse. (Did I mention I was alone?)

While I can't advise hiking through pugnacious plants or climbing alone on hollow rock, I can fully endorse a visit to Shivapuri Heights Cottage, also in the national park. Elyse and I spent New Years with friends at this stunning and peaceful locale. I'll let the pictures do the typing for me:

Our small crew usurped two of the cottages. Here is party HQ.

With a common area for, judging by the wine bottles, celebrating the new year.

We had a nice view, although it was cloudy and rainy. My kind of weather.

Pretty artistic, eh?

But I spent most of my time playing with this guy. He forced me.

Meanwhile, the moms went hiking. Who has the better baby carrier?

Don't be Stupid (part 2)

Here is some international travel advice from your friendly neighborhood Consular Officer. If you are working overseas and lose your job, but the organization you were working for offers to fly you home to the U.S., you might want to consider taking that flight. What you should not do is put all of the money you possess in the world in a fanny pack and head to another 3rd world nation hoping to find something better. Especially if you have a habit of losing things (like, say, a fanny pack), don't have any credit cards, and have no family/friends who can/will lend you a dozen Benjamins in case of emergency. What happens then is you become a "destitute American" in need of "repatriation." You don't want this to happen to you for many reasons, not the least of which is that you will spend hours, over several days, sitting at the Embassy while some poor Consular Officer calls all of your "friends" on your behalf to beg for money. When they all say no, the unfortunate Consular Officer spends more hours visiting travel offices and budget offices to coordinate a loan for your plane ticket home. Then the beleaguered Consular Officer must have you fill out numerous forms in quadruplicate (that's a word in government) so that you can get a loan and a new one-time use passport...because we're gonna cancel yours until you pay us back.

In all seriousness, there is nothing more important to us than assisting Americans abroad. But please, think before you travel. Don't make your trip (or my job) any more challenging than it needs to be.

Don't be stupid

Did you know that a Consular Officer's primary role is to provide assistance to Americans in need? Most of the time I'm working on immigration and visa related issues, but if an American requires assistance, everything else stops. We may help a sick American receive medical treatment. Or a destitute traveler get an emergency loan to return to the U.S. Or, in the worst situations, return bodies to their families. (Fortunately, we haven't had to do that since I've been in Nepal.) And we also respond to cases involving Americans arrested overseas. I mention this because the other day I went on my first prison visit. If you've seen the reality television program Locked Up Abroad, you may have some idea of what these people face, especially in poor countries. I can't, of course, give any details about the specific case I responded to. But our basic role is simply to make sure the AmCit (American Citizen) is being treated properly and provided the basics (i.e. food, water). Americans often think the U.S. government can get them out. They're wrong. They are at the mercies of the local judicial system. About all we can do is tell them how the legal system in the country works and offer a list of lawyers. Of course if they are being mistreated in any way, we'll intervene through the appropriate channels. But mistreatment doesn't include sleeping on the floor, under some blankets, and without heat. Or living in a cell with a dozen other people. The moral of the story is, don't do anything dumb while traveling abroad...at least until you are out of my consular district.

Shortbus Conquers the World

This is Shortbus here. Some of you may know me as Shorty, The Bus, or The Shortest Bus. However you know me, you are probably aware that I run things around here. Doubt it? You think I'm not too bright because my name's Shortbus? Actually, I have one of those ironic names, like a bald guy called Curly or a football player nicknamed Tiny. Since I'm about finished with my thesis on the Higgs boson, I have some free time to share my thoughts on life in Nepal to date. I understand that this blog was almost entitled Shortbus Conquers the World. In fact, it should have been. Due to one lazy friend and one luddite grandfather, I lost two votes that would have put me over the top. Serenity now! But that's okay. I'm not bitter. However, I figured I should regale my fans with at least one blog post demonstrating all that I'm conquering in Nepal. You're welcome.

Here I am conquering a box. It put up quite a fight but was ultimately no match for me.

Next I conquered the out-of-doors. This porch didn't know what hit it.

Just hanging out with an equal. Later I conquered the meek.

Looks like I just conquered a few cans of tuna here. Better hit the gym...

I hit the gym hard: gym = conquered

I kind of feel bad for this box of newspaper. The Old Gray Lady is now black and blue.

Here I am conquering my dad's head. What a sucker.

Watch out Nepal. It's just a cat nap.

The Help

Before we arrived, everyone told us "You must hire a staff." I always demurred, saying we would neither need nor want help around the house (i.e. housekeeper, driver, gardener, cook, guard). We even requested apartment living partially to negate the need for gardeners and guards. There were several reasons for my resistance, but two main ones. First, I think most Americans are generally uncomfortable with the idea of someone serving their personal needs as an employee. It's uncommon in our culture. A strength of America is our genuine belief in equality. And it's hard to feel like equals when you pay someone to follow you around the house cleaning up your mess. Add to that my cocky Peace Corps sensibility that takes great pride in "living like the locals", and I was even more recalcitrant. Second, I didn't want to deal with the realities of hiring, interviewing, managing, paying salaries, providing benefits, perhaps firing, and generally having a stranger in my personal space.

None of those things have changed, and yet we now have a housekeeper (or "didi") and driver. Why? Because everyone was right. Mainly because everything really is just a little bit more challenging here. We actually need help. For example, just going to the grocery store is an ordeal. Ever been to a grocery store without an open parking space? That doesn't accept credit cards? And doesn't have milk in stock? All three at the same time? I have. So then you have to walk...to multiple stores...which takes more time. And after lugging your produce home, you still must sanitize the fruits and veggies because you can't eat untreated, uncooked food here unless you want to move into your bathroom. Having someone who can do anything to add to the efficiencies in an inherently inefficient land is a god send. On top of this, it's just really nice to come home to a clean house. The beds are made. The dishes, which have to be washed by hand, are clean. The constantly dusty floor is swept. The laundry is clean, folded and ironed.

Even better than those personal benefits is knowing that you have given consistent employment to someone in a very poor country. And what seems super cheap for us, at about $140 per month, is a truly decent wage here. Our didi makes only about $18 per month less than a college educated electrical engineer that I interviewed for a visa the other day. The median income in Nepal is just over $400 per year. Our staff earn that in 3 months. Before, I felt that my role in Kathmandu was not to be a job creator. That is for under-taxed millionaires in America to do. But once you meet these extremely kind, hard working individuals, it becomes a pleasure to give them work. And I know many colleagues who say their staff has become like a part of their family, especially those who help care for their children. Our staff is too new for all that, but I certainly like them as people and hope it continues to work out. After our extremely nervous driver couldn't get the truck up the steep exit from our garage on his first day, I had my doubts. But it actually endeared him to me even more. Our decision to stick with him has paid off so far. I can honestly say the couple we share him with might not even be married without his help. They got married here, in Nepal's famous bureaucracy, made even worse if you're a foreigner. Our driver, over several days, took them to numerous government offices (all unknown to them) where he translated, haggled, and guided them through a maze of forms, stamps, and bribes. What would we do without you Gopi? Keep up the good work, and thanks for your help.

This and that

It's been a while so this will likely be a wide ranging blog entry. We've been busy with many Embassy events, Thanksgiving feasts and putting our home in order. I should also say a heart felt happy birthday to my little bro. Since I didn't buy a present, send a card or even call him on his birthday a few days ago, the least I can do is immortalize the sentiment on-line. In my defense, I did say happy birthday to our older brother in October, who is basically his doppleganger. So like our parents with their childhood pictures, I'll just pretend that one brother is the other and assume I did my due diligence. Anyway, happy 34th KJ.

Thanksgiving in Kathmandu was fun. It couldn't live up to being with family, but then again I've never had three Thanksgiving dinners in one day before either. And that doesn't include pre-Thanksgiving events at the Embassy and Ambassador's residence. So we ate plenty of turkey, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, stuffing, and, most importantly, thanks to my thoughtful wife, MANY slices of my grandmother's secret pumpkin pie. And unless every person who tries it lied to us, it is considered "much better than regular pumpkin pie." But my mom won't let me give out the recipe, so don't ask! It's mine, all mine.

It's getting cooler here in The KTM. Luckily I finally found my favorite jackets that Elyse somehow managed to put on a closet shelf several feet above her head in the days after our arrival. I had assumed the moving company had lost them because I don't remember getting them out of our luggage. So obviously, I didn't. I know she's short, but I swear she did it. It wasn't me. Anyway, I love this weather. Mid 60's and chillier at night. Unfortunately, it is also the time of worst air quality in the valley. People are burning whatever they can find to keep warm. Also, the rainy season is over, so there's nothing to clean the air. Without rain, the hydropower decreases thereby increasing loadshedding. We're up to an average of 6 hours without power per day. Well, not "we." I guess "they " is more appropriate. Those with means (like us) use gas/diesel powered generators, which add to the pollution. It's not a pretty picture. Literally and figuratively. We can't even see the mountains that surround the city anymore. Such is life in a developing country. And Los Angeles.

We also have started to put the baby's room together (see picture below). Actually we haven't done much yet, but we did put together a crib and something called a "changing table." I'm not sure what that is, and never plan to find out. I guess it's where the baby will put on its adorable outfits. I plan on raising an independent kid, so this changing table sounds good to me. We may paint some walls as well. Otherwise, bring it on. I'm ready.

That's enough rambling for now. I hope to have more deep thematic issues to discuss in the future. But now I'm going to watch the Daily Show and Colbert Report. Our politics are entertaining. Thanks goodness for the Armed Forces Network. Until next time...life roles merrily along in Kathmandu. I look forward to speaking with friends and family soon.