Shortbus Conquers the World

This is Shortbus here. Some of you may know me as Shorty, The Bus, or The Shortest Bus. However you know me, you are probably aware that I run things around here. Doubt it? You think I'm not too bright because my name's Shortbus? Actually, I have one of those ironic names, like a bald guy called Curly or a football player nicknamed Tiny. Since I'm about finished with my thesis on the Higgs boson, I have some free time to share my thoughts on life in Nepal to date. I understand that this blog was almost entitled Shortbus Conquers the World. In fact, it should have been. Due to one lazy friend and one luddite grandfather, I lost two votes that would have put me over the top. Serenity now! But that's okay. I'm not bitter. However, I figured I should regale my fans with at least one blog post demonstrating all that I'm conquering in Nepal. You're welcome.

Here I am conquering a box. It put up quite a fight but was ultimately no match for me.

Next I conquered the out-of-doors. This porch didn't know what hit it.

Just hanging out with an equal. Later I conquered the meek.

Looks like I just conquered a few cans of tuna here. Better hit the gym...

I hit the gym hard: gym = conquered

I kind of feel bad for this box of newspaper. The Old Gray Lady is now black and blue.

Here I am conquering my dad's head. What a sucker.

Watch out Nepal. It's just a cat nap.

The Help

Before we arrived, everyone told us "You must hire a staff." I always demurred, saying we would neither need nor want help around the house (i.e. housekeeper, driver, gardener, cook, guard). We even requested apartment living partially to negate the need for gardeners and guards. There were several reasons for my resistance, but two main ones. First, I think most Americans are generally uncomfortable with the idea of someone serving their personal needs as an employee. It's uncommon in our culture. A strength of America is our genuine belief in equality. And it's hard to feel like equals when you pay someone to follow you around the house cleaning up your mess. Add to that my cocky Peace Corps sensibility that takes great pride in "living like the locals", and I was even more recalcitrant. Second, I didn't want to deal with the realities of hiring, interviewing, managing, paying salaries, providing benefits, perhaps firing, and generally having a stranger in my personal space.

None of those things have changed, and yet we now have a housekeeper (or "didi") and driver. Why? Because everyone was right. Mainly because everything really is just a little bit more challenging here. We actually need help. For example, just going to the grocery store is an ordeal. Ever been to a grocery store without an open parking space? That doesn't accept credit cards? And doesn't have milk in stock? All three at the same time? I have. So then you have to walk...to multiple stores...which takes more time. And after lugging your produce home, you still must sanitize the fruits and veggies because you can't eat untreated, uncooked food here unless you want to move into your bathroom. Having someone who can do anything to add to the efficiencies in an inherently inefficient land is a god send. On top of this, it's just really nice to come home to a clean house. The beds are made. The dishes, which have to be washed by hand, are clean. The constantly dusty floor is swept. The laundry is clean, folded and ironed.

Even better than those personal benefits is knowing that you have given consistent employment to someone in a very poor country. And what seems super cheap for us, at about $140 per month, is a truly decent wage here. Our didi makes only about $18 per month less than a college educated electrical engineer that I interviewed for a visa the other day. The median income in Nepal is just over $400 per year. Our staff earn that in 3 months. Before, I felt that my role in Kathmandu was not to be a job creator. That is for under-taxed millionaires in America to do. But once you meet these extremely kind, hard working individuals, it becomes a pleasure to give them work. And I know many colleagues who say their staff has become like a part of their family, especially those who help care for their children. Our staff is too new for all that, but I certainly like them as people and hope it continues to work out. After our extremely nervous driver couldn't get the truck up the steep exit from our garage on his first day, I had my doubts. But it actually endeared him to me even more. Our decision to stick with him has paid off so far. I can honestly say the couple we share him with might not even be married without his help. They got married here, in Nepal's famous bureaucracy, made even worse if you're a foreigner. Our driver, over several days, took them to numerous government offices (all unknown to them) where he translated, haggled, and guided them through a maze of forms, stamps, and bribes. What would we do without you Gopi? Keep up the good work, and thanks for your help.

This and that

It's been a while so this will likely be a wide ranging blog entry. We've been busy with many Embassy events, Thanksgiving feasts and putting our home in order. I should also say a heart felt happy birthday to my little bro. Since I didn't buy a present, send a card or even call him on his birthday a few days ago, the least I can do is immortalize the sentiment on-line. In my defense, I did say happy birthday to our older brother in October, who is basically his doppleganger. So like our parents with their childhood pictures, I'll just pretend that one brother is the other and assume I did my due diligence. Anyway, happy 34th KJ.

Thanksgiving in Kathmandu was fun. It couldn't live up to being with family, but then again I've never had three Thanksgiving dinners in one day before either. And that doesn't include pre-Thanksgiving events at the Embassy and Ambassador's residence. So we ate plenty of turkey, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, stuffing, and, most importantly, thanks to my thoughtful wife, MANY slices of my grandmother's secret pumpkin pie. And unless every person who tries it lied to us, it is considered "much better than regular pumpkin pie." But my mom won't let me give out the recipe, so don't ask! It's mine, all mine.

It's getting cooler here in The KTM. Luckily I finally found my favorite jackets that Elyse somehow managed to put on a closet shelf several feet above her head in the days after our arrival. I had assumed the moving company had lost them because I don't remember getting them out of our luggage. So obviously, I didn't. I know she's short, but I swear she did it. It wasn't me. Anyway, I love this weather. Mid 60's and chillier at night. Unfortunately, it is also the time of worst air quality in the valley. People are burning whatever they can find to keep warm. Also, the rainy season is over, so there's nothing to clean the air. Without rain, the hydropower decreases thereby increasing loadshedding. We're up to an average of 6 hours without power per day. Well, not "we." I guess "they " is more appropriate. Those with means (like us) use gas/diesel powered generators, which add to the pollution. It's not a pretty picture. Literally and figuratively. We can't even see the mountains that surround the city anymore. Such is life in a developing country. And Los Angeles.

We also have started to put the baby's room together (see picture below). Actually we haven't done much yet, but we did put together a crib and something called a "changing table." I'm not sure what that is, and never plan to find out. I guess it's where the baby will put on its adorable outfits. I plan on raising an independent kid, so this changing table sounds good to me. We may paint some walls as well. Otherwise, bring it on. I'm ready.

That's enough rambling for now. I hope to have more deep thematic issues to discuss in the future. But now I'm going to watch the Daily Show and Colbert Report. Our politics are entertaining. Thanks goodness for the Armed Forces Network. Until next time...life roles merrily along in Kathmandu. I look forward to speaking with friends and family soon.

Hallelujah!

Look what we found. Rocks!

And I'm going to climb them. I have a helmet!

Even pregnant ladies climb.


And that's all I've got for now. More updates coming soon.

What?

(Already posted this pic on Facebook, but not all are on it and it's worth sharing.) Having trouble massaging your baby with conventional charcoal briquettes? Your troubles are over! Try Himalayan Briquette. It won't singe your baby's delicate skin like Kingsford or leave that hard to clean soot like Royal Oak. Our briquettes are even great for cooking and heating...and they're so quiet. So use Himalayan Briquette for all your massaging needs. Your baby will thank you for it.

We have a lot of cheez whiz

A lot has been happening since the last post. Last week our HHE, or Household Effects (i.e. all our junk) arrived. As many of our friends and family know, we pride ourselves on being "stuffless" people. We have assiduously worked to not acquire stuff, or "cheez whiz" as it's called in Nepali. (No joke.) We never went to Wal-Mart or shopped on-line. We didn't let our very generous families shower us with gifts at Hanumas (Christmas + Hanukkah, duh). To "stage" our RI house for the market, our real estate agent made us go shopping for decorations. Basically if it wasn't camping, hiking or climbing gear, we didn't want it. As such, we have largely been successful in our minimalist attempts. But then we joined the Foreign Service and became BJ's Wholesale Club members. Now we have over 200 pounds of cat litter and 3,000 Q-Tips. You could feed a small Nepali village (or one Yeti) with the "Double Value Pack" boxes of Honeynut Cheerios we bought. And I doubt we'll run out of French's mustard in the next two years. Previously we thought our new apartment was too big for us. Now we realize that it lacks closets, a basement and a garage. I guess we could cram some of it into our Taj Majal-like master bedroom, but then that would ruin the view from one of our 6 floor-to-ceiling windows (pictured below...most of it). With all this stuff to do, I better get back to it. Tune in next time when I blog about, well, whatever pops into my head.

Reach out and touch someone.

One of the obvious drawbacks of this career is not seeing family and friends as often as you'd like. Fortunately, with advances in technology, communication has gotten a lot easier and cheaper. In fact, a call from my cell in Nepal to the States only costs about 3 cents a minute. Quite a deal.

Last night I called two of my nieces to wish them happy birthdays, since they were both born in mid-November. Speaking with them is always a joyful and enlightening experience. They're each hilarious in their own unique ways. Here is an excerpt from our conversations. Their words are paraphrased, but you'll get the gist of their distinct personalities.

Younger Niece (YN), Aged 7
Me: Hey kiddo. Happy birthday.
YN: Thanks Uncle Beef. I got a wrecking ball.
Me: What?
YN: I got a wrecking ball!!
Me: You are a wrecking ball.
YN: NO! I got a wrecking ball!
Me: Oh. My mistake. What will you do with your wrecking ball?
YN: I'll destroy stuff.
Me: Naturally.
YN: You should talk to my sister now. She'srighthereloveyoubye!

Older Niece (ON), Aged 10
Me: Happy Birthday!
ON: Thanks. So how do you like being a diplomat?
Me: It's pretty great. But sometimes it's kind of sad denying people entry to the U.S.
ON: Do you have to deny them for medical reasons like they did at Ellis Island?
Me: (Pause..."I didn't know that," I think.) Umm, yeah, actually sometimes we can't let people in because they have infectious diseases.
ON: But doesn't that increase the disease in their own country?
Me: (Err..."Kid's got a point," I think.) Perhaps, but that's why we use the US Agency for International Development and the Center for Disease Control to help them fight those diseases.
ON: Then that also benefits America because there are fewer sick people in the world and less unrest.
Me: I know some presidential debates you would probably win right about now.
ON: What?
Me: Never mind.

Looking forward to more deep and/or destructive conversations in the future.

Halloween in Nepal

Halloween doesn't actually exist in Nepal. But Americans (and many other nationalities) like eating candy and dressing up, so numerous parties took place anyway. Some of our friends threw a huge bash at their place. There was a full bar, bartender, sound system, dance floor in the car port, smoke machine and green laser lights. And a bunch of adults in great get ups dancing until 2:30 in the morning.

The majority of our stuff still hasn't arrived, so we didn't have much lying around to create costumes. But we made do with what we had. Guess what we were. I even had a rope in my back pack and kept Elyse "on belay" the entire time. I think we tripped a few folks, but they thought it was a great costume anyway. We, on the other hand, thought it felt like a typical Saturday.

I can't drive, 55!!!

Seriously, the traffic is so bad I can't even drive 25. You wouldn't like it here Sammy (Hagar, not my sis.) But who cares...we've got wheels. After a month of walking, taking taxis, and bumming rides, we are free to take our lives into our own hands like everyone else. Check out our sweet ride (pictured). It's a beast, but I like it. A vehicle this size has distinct pros and cons for life in Kathmandu and Nepal. Let's review a few:

Pros:
- The rumbling diesel powered 4.2 liter V6 engine makes me feel I can run over anything.
- I can give 7 of my closest friends, or one Yeti, a lift in comfort.
- The tiny cars and swarming motorcycles seem to be afraid of my girth. Or perhaps it's that I sometimes forget we drive on the left here.

Cons:
- The rumbling diesel powered 4.2 liter V6 engine makes me feel I can run over anything.
- Gas mileage leaves something to be desired. I think posting a picture of it burned some fuel.
- It's a tad wide for Kathmandu's narrow streets. Fortunately, with the push of a button the side mirrors automatically collapse. (Sometimes this is actually necessary.)

Driving any car here, no matter the size, presents new challenges. Driving on the left is obvious. And there are dogs and holy cows and pedestrians who march heedlessly across the street while employing the "hand of power" ordering you to stop. Also, a turn signal can mean either "I'm turning that way" or "Please go around me that way." Finally, operating a stick-shift with the left-hand but depressing standard pedals is a bit like patting your head and rubbing your stomach. But all of this is another reason we like this car: its safety features. Plus, at 5-10 miles per hour, most things will just bounce off. As the bigger car and foreign driver, apparently I'm at fault no matter what. So watch out Kathmandu; I've got an old beat up Toyota Land Cruiser and I'm not afraid to use it.

We've got groupies!

Apparently you can "follow" our blog. Not sure how, but if you are reading this you should figure it out and you should totally do it. Here is a special shout out to our two, count 'em TWO, followers (i.e. "stalkers"). Stay warm in Rhody Gail and Ann, and know that there is a guest room in warm Kathmandu for you any time.

How many words are 14 pictures worth?

Nagarkot, Nepal

After only 2.5 hours we made it to the End of the Universe.

Looks nice. Is that our room?

And this is our patio. Right?

Perhaps this is our room? Oh, Lord Vishnu's you say?

Bad dog! Don't drink the holy water!

Oh, here's our room. No need for panorama. But what a view.

We'll just hang out here anyway.

Beer and internet by candlelight. Nirvana's not so hard to find.

Now it's time for some trekking. The distant vistas were hazy, so we settled for close-ups.

I'm glad I just walk these valleys, not work 'em.

This is farm land?

But a Foreign Service Officer's work is never done. Yes boss?

Other trekkers on the trail. Or maybe just local folks walkin' home. Hard to tell.

And I'm spent.

Kukur Puja for Tihar Festival

I love this photo. Several of our friends organized a traditional Kukur puja (dog worship/prayer ceremony) for the Tihar festival, as mentioned in the previous post. Here you can see Ragamuffin's (name changed for canine anonymity) forehead tika and garland. He was a proud pup.

On a sidenote, Shortbus is very disappointed about the lack of cat worship here. Fortunately, she is spoiled enough at home that she's forgotten about this discrimination.

Is this heaven? No it's Nagarkot.

Well, perhaps Nagarkot's not heaven, but after one month in the hustle and bustle of Kathmandu, it feels a bit like it. Nagarkot is a small village in the mountains ringing the Kathmandu Valley. We are above 7,000 feet, surrounded by pine tree forest and have a view of rolling mountains to the north and east. If the clouds clear a bit, we're supposed to have clear views of the Himalayas far to the north. Being out of Kathmandu means, best of all, that we've escaped the smog. And the honking. And the traffic jams. The trip, however, got off in typical Nepali fashion when our driver, hired days ago specifically to transport us to Nagarkot, realized that he'd forgotten to get gas and had already started to climb into the mountains. So back we went in search of a gas pump. After getting what appeared to be a thimble full (less that a quarter tank) we were back on the "road." As an apology, I believe, he stopped and bought us some locally bottled water...that may or may not give us diarrhea. As usual I drank some for Elyse, to look like she had some, then drank my own. We'll see how I feel in about six hours. Now that's taking one for the team.

Twenty miles and two and a half hours later (no exaggeration) we reached our destination. It was definitely worth the detour and the wait. Currently I'm sitting in a cozy common area in our guest house: The Hotel at the End of the Universe. The only thing better than its name is its physical setting. The "HATEOTU" perches atop the tallest hill in Nagarkot providing us fantastic vistas in all directions. Rustic wooden cabins dot the hilly property. Amongst the low profile buildings are gardens, sitting areas, and, at the pinnacle, a small Hindu shrine. The common room is all dark wood, stone and windows. It also serves as the hotel bar, restaurant, and WI-FI hotspot. Perfect! Our little room upstairs is simple and small. Basically it's a bed with walls. Seriously. The bed has walls on three sides. It's like a big boat cabin. But two of those walls are windows, so the view is pretty great. And it only runs us about $20 per night. The plan for our time here is to read, hike, relax and breathe clean air. We will revel in the silence and the cool mountain air. It may not be heaven, or even the field of dreams, but I'm glad they built it, because we came.

Party All the Time

Oh boy, what to write about now? So many thoughts to share, so many stories to tell. Perhaps I'll talk a little about one of the great perks we stumbled into immediately upon arrival. The two biggest Nepali festivals take place in October!

The first was Dasain. We arrived on a Thursday. I worked on Friday. Then I got 10 days off! My colleagues thought I was a genius. The first 9 days were for Dasain and then 1 extra Monday for Columbus day. (Did I mention we get off Nepali and US holidays?) The stories and traditions behind Dasain are confusing for a non-Hindu, so if you want to learn more, go here. All I know is that it celebrates the victory of good (personified in the Goddess Durga) over evil (a buffalo demon Mahisasura) and is, therefore, a very auspicious time. Unless you are a farm animal of some kind. Then the auspiciousness decreases. Lots of sacrifices are made during Dasain. They say in one square in Kathmandu (mom, stop reading until the next paragraph) a massive animal sacrifice takes place and attendees are literally up to their ankles in blood. On a more enjoyable note, I did get a tika blessing on the street from some sadhus , roaming Hindu holy men. A tika consists of a fat orange/red dot and some sticky rice on your head. The dot represents the all seeing, all knowing third eye and the rice...is in case you get hungry I guess.

Then I worked for a week. But next week, we get off another three days for Tihar, the second most important Nepali holiday. In Tihar celebrations, Nepalis try to make it up to all of the animals they killed a few weeks ago by honoring a few of their favorites. Crows, as the messengers of the lord of death, are presented feasts to keep them happy. Then dogs, who guide people across the river of death, and cows, the "mothers of the universe" get adorned with tikas and flower garlands. It will be a nice day for them, because the other 364 days of the year these mangy creatures dodge cars as they wander the streets and scrounge in the garbage for food. Then, on the final night of Tihar, people light their homes to entice Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth, to drop by. For this reason, Tihar is known as the Festival of Lights. It's a little different from the other Festival of Lights, but I think we'll take out the menorah anyway. I hope I'm on Lakshmi's nice list.

And I'm proud to be an American

This is the first blog post of Serenity Now (…Insanity Later), entry by Keith. There is so much to say, but I’ll try to keep it short-ish. First, to catch you up in case you missed it, I took a job with the U.S. State Department as a Foreign Service Officer back in October, 2010. Since then we were assigned to Kathmandu, Nepal and I went through lots and lots of training. I speak Nepali now. Kinda. I’m a Political Officer, but this time around I’m doing my Consular tour. In a nutshell that means I work on, among other things, immigrant visas, non-immigrant visas, adoptions, refugee resettlement, fraud prevention, and, most importantly, supporting American Citizens in Nepal. Elyse continues to work on brain stuff.

Now here we are in the ancient and exotic city of Kathmandu, home of Hindus and hippies. Most of the hippies have left since their influx in the 60s and 70s, but we can still visit “Freak Street.” We’re in a big valley at about 4,500 feet above sea level and are exactly 9 hours and 45 minutes ahead of Eastern Standard Time. I’m still not sure where those other 15 minutes went. We’ve got a nice furnished apartment, not far from our new Embassy, and soon will have a gas guzzling SUV. I find it ironic that we had to leave the States to become more stereotypically American. We now have this big SUV, are members at BJ’s wholesale club and yesterday, for the first time in our 7+ years together, we made a barbecue chicken dinner and ate at the dining room table. Now we’re watching Wheel of Fortune on the Armed Forces Network. (Do Pat and Vanna sleep in formaldehyde? Because they look the same as they did when I last watched in 1989.) In my previous experience in developing countries, when faced with a few questionable options, you initially go with what you know. Especially when what you don’t know can give you the “Kathmanpoos.” Hopefully in a year we’ll be eating water buffalo momos while watching a classic Bollywood musical. For now, in week two, we’re easing our way into the water. Although, that water has been distilled, bleached and boiled.

The People Have Spoken

Thanks to everyone who voted to name our blog! As you can see, the Seinfeld fans won by a nose, with 28% of the vote. Redpoint was a close second with 25% of the vote, which is strangely appropriate. You'll get it next time, Repointers.

Help us name our blog

Namaste friends and family. If you are reading this, then you have made it to our new blog. Congratulations on being tech savvy. The purpose of this blog will be to share our experiences in the Foreign Service and life in Nepal with friends, family and any other interested readers. Basically we’ll just tell stories and share thoughts about anything we find interesting, frustrating, funny, or weird. There will be pictures too!

So let’s get down to business. The first thing we need for our new blog is a good name. And for that we would like your help, because we can’t decide. A list of contenders is below. Please vote on one (see side bar for poll). Of course, you can suggest your own as well, although we reserve the right to ignore it. No offense. So here are the candidates:

1. “The Diplokatz” - Yes, this one is truly awful. It is just here to represent the obligatory corny pun blog name. If you vote for it, we won’t be friends anymore.

2. “The Brain and the Bureaucrat” – Can you guess who is who?

3. “Shortbus Conquers the World” – Shorty suggested that one.

4. “Redpoint” – For the non-climbers reading this, to ‘redpoint’ a climb means you have worked on the route multiple times before finally ‘sending’ it successfully, without falling or resting on the rope. It may take two tries or two hundred, but since the challenge is half the fun who really cares how many times you fail? Can you see the inherent metaphor? I thought you would.

5. “Serenity Now!” – This will make the most sense if you’re a Seinfeld fan, have lived in a developing country and worked in a bureaucracy. (Learn the wonders of Serenity Now here)

That’s the best we’ve got. So please vote and/or provide us your own suggestion. And once we’ve chosen a name, tune in here to see what happens next. (Hint: it will likely involve Shortbus doing something awesome.)